Friday, July 11

Spinal Fluid 101

I went to the neurologist today. Still had a headache although not as intense as before and just overall crappy feeling. The good thing is that he seemed pretty confident as to what was causing it. Bad thing is that there's really only one or two things to do about it. He believes I have a spinal leak from my surgery. I had a spinal instead of general anesthesia and I guess sometimes the hole doesn't heal fully or something and your spinal fluid actually leaks out of your spine into your body. When this happens the pressure in your spine and around your brain (because they are connected) drops and your brain which usually floats in the spinal fluid starts to sink your head causing a lot of pressure. He said the pressure at the base of the spine is around 36 pounds when standing, and drops to about 6 when lying down which is why lying flat is better and standing upright would often make me feel as if there were a large action figure trying to kick it's way out of my head. So the solution to this is one: let enough time go by and it will go away or two: go in for another surgery in which you get a blood patch where they take some of your blood and inject it into your spine where you had the spinal. I guess this helps it to heal but is pretty invasive and of course, punctures the spine again. Since mine is already dropped in intensity I am going to try waiting it out for a couple of more weeks and he gave me something new to try for the pain that is often diagnosed for seizes and I guess helps nerve pain. So for anyone who has not followed this dramatic story this is about four weeks now of a constant headache, two of it pretty intense. Oh well. There are people worse off.

These pots are from the firing before last and are just okay. I was thinking about a lot of the pots I have in my seconds area (almost all the pots I have made thus far) and these are two of them. There is nothing inherently wrong with them except they are just not what I am looking for and they don't really represent the direction I am heading. Kind of like when you have a snack and you don't feel satisfied. You had the wrong snack and you still feel hungry. I just feel kind of empty about them but I can recognize them as moderately attractive. Many people do not understand this and think I am just too critical of myself and my work.

This line of thinking is incorrect. The first obvious problem with this is that if I am not critical (I think it's important to see this word more positively) and treat everything I make like it is successful, then I will never grow and find my voice. Just because something is okay does not mean that it speaks for me. I guess it is something you either understand or you do not. I think we are so trained in this culture to treat everyone and everything one makes as precious and special that we have often lost the skill of critical thinking and accepting failure as part of the road to success or just part of the road. You can't become emotionally attached to everything. You have to be able to let it go. Everyone and everything can't be a winner. So these are a couple of my not bad looking, but not what I am looking for pots.

Chow for now.

No comments: