Peanut butter crackers

Wow. I'm not going to make it here. That is the long and short of the entire living with parents story. To say I am stressed does not begin to define my mental state at this time. I could get into details, but it just doesn't matter. I simply can not stay here for two months. I do not know what to do. I really appreciate all the good thoughts everyone has thrown my way, but there is just no good thinking my way out of this situation.

My mother and I are complete and total opposites in so many ways of our personalities that we are incompatible to live together. To be fair to her, it is probably not easy for her to share her house, and because of how stressed I am feeling about being here I have been very on edge and not always pleasant to be around. To be fair to me, she is way too intense for me. I really need a chill environment or I start imploding. If I can't get peace outside I gotta go in, and then when even that is invaded . . . I just can't describe what it is like to be slowly niced to death.

On a more positive note, I have to go back to NH tomorrow. Adam and I are bringing my daughter and grandson to see The Wizard of Oz and I will be there for a couple of days. I'm giddy just thinking about the tranquility. I've applied to about 30 places so far. I'll start checking back next week. Not so much luck so far. Everyone's been really nice so far though where I've gone. Very friendly. I'm having some trouble with the homeless situation though.

There are quite a few people who you can tell wander the streets by day until they can go to the shelters. It's very disturbing to me. They are usually so underdressed. Little cotton sneakers, no jackets, no hats. Sometimes they are mumbling to themselves. Here I am walking around or driving in my warm car and I'm wearing a wool coat, etc. with my nice warm boots. I feel kinda guilty. It will instantly suck whatever pleasure I am feeling at the moment away, and yet . . . I still walk by and ignore the woman on the corner when she starts asking me for money.

The other day I came around the corner and saw this guy pressed against the building trying to stay out of the wind. So I turned and walked back the other way so I wouldn't have to walk by him. What I really wanted to do was give him some peanut butter crackers or something. I guess turning around and walking away is the next best thing to crackers.

Day 1

Well, first I want to say thankyou to everyone for all the good thoughts. It's definitely a messed up situation, and I am not the greatest at separating my public and private life, so hope it's not too awkward for anyone. I am here now, and after less than 24 hours know I have to get out soon. It's really hard for me, and I would imagine most, not to have my own space. I am also a bit of a minimalist, and my parents are kind of maximumalist, and so I am feeling a little claustrophobic. I am grateful for the space, but also know I can not last long here. I wish the room I am in were a sanctuary, and they did the best they could moving stuff out of it so I could move into it, but it's a bit like living in a tetris game where all the pieces are just barely separated, everything hits something else if you open it, and I keep hitting my feet on the stuff under the bed if I step too close to it. My mother, although well intentioned, keeps trying to pay for everything I need to buy. She even just offered to give me cash before I left. Just cash, in case I needed some cash. Eye-yi-yi. On the upside, I am sitting in a nice warm coffee house, after a chilly couple of hours humping for a job. I handed out about 15 resumes and will be back tomorrow to leave more. There are well over a hundred and fifty restaurants in the Portland area, at least I think, so lots of options, but limited hiring. It is a really great area though. I love the energy, and although I have left the mountains, I am less than 15 minutes from the ocean. But still, I keep thinking of Adam and often wishing he were here to share things with me. I do miss him. Oh well. Hopefully it's for the best, or else it's just another big mistake I've made in my life. Again, thank you everyone for reading and for being interested in what's going on.

Moving day

Well, today is the day I have chosen to head down the road. It's kind of a sad day. I'll be back here next Sunday as Adam and I are taking my daughter Amy and my grandson Owen to see The Wizard of Oz (play). Yeah, it's all just really sad, but I think necessary. I think everyone will be happier in the long run. I guess there's not really much more to say.

Hot enchiladas, super cold air

I keep reading about how cold it is for everyone. I don't really follow the weather too far outside my own area, so maybe it is really cold where you are, but let me tell you, it is really cold here! This morning it was -21 degrees below zero. About an hour and a 1/2 north of us it was -35 degrees below zero. Thank god the wind is not blowing. It would be unbearable. I am making a fantastic dinner tonight. It's almost ready. I thought I would surprise Adam with a meat meal since he has always so willingly eaten much vegetarian food with me, and so I am making beef enchiladas with a red chili sauce, black refried beans and rice. The individual components are yum, yum, yummy, I think we might drop dead from the deliciousness of the dinner itself.

Ready to move

Well, I am mostly packed and ready to go. It's hard to live once you've packed. Even though I tried to keep stuff out that I thought I would need over the last week or so, I have had to reopen several boxes. Sadly/gladly, we have a showing of the house Friday, and so I will spend most of my energy moving the upstairs boxes down into my studio to get them out of the way. I am not very optimistic that anything fruitful will come of the showing, but you never know. My game plan is to head on down the road Monday. I am going to stay with my parents (mom and stepdad) for what could be a couple of months till I save up money for my own place. I have not lived with my parents since I was about 20. This could be challenging for all involved. I intend to live within a brief walk of downtown Portland Maine, and it is unlikely I will be able to afford a place of my own, and so might have to get a room mate. I have never had a room mate and so this will be a new experience. I also need to find a place/room mate that will allow a dog and cat. It's funny how many ads I have seen that say they have pets and so you must love dogs to live there, but, you can't bring your own. Eventually I'll find something.

New blog?

Hello everyone. Just a little quick note to jot here. I am in the process of starting a new blog. Not moving this one, but starting a new one altogether. I will keep this one and hopefully enough clay, or at least art related things will happen in my life that I can continue to post. I will be checking it often though to see what everyone's up to. I don't really have a blogreader set up well and so I check everyone's blogs from my own. Anyhow, the new blog isn't clay focused, except as clay pertains to my life. I guess it may be a kind of online journal/memoir of sorts. I want to wait until I get a few posts up before I send out the link. If you are squeamish, you might not want to read it. It will probably be a little personal. But, I hope, like a train wreck, you won't be able to help yourself but to take a look. I've made the decision to not take comments on the other blog. It may sound a little bizarre as I will be writing in a public format, but it's a personal enterprise and I just want to keep it that way. So, if all goes well and I don't bore of the idea anytime soon I will let you know when it is ready. Until then-toodaloo.

Worm gears

Here's a little project I have going on. I was making bread last week and heard something snap inside my mixer, and the mixer would not work after that. So, although I could really use a new larger and more powerful mixer, I am kind of attached to this one-I've had it for like 10-12 years or something. So I found the manual online and took it apart. No easy feat this is by the way. I thought I had snapped a belt but I actually broke a couple of gears.

Trying to keep my screws and such organized.

So here's the culprit. It is called the worm gear shaft and pinion. I mangled the top plastic gear (why is this the only plastic gear in there? Hmmm?) and actually snapped a couple of teeth off the smaller metal gear on the other end. All in all, does not make for a productive mixer. The part is only 25$ though, so that's good news. If I can get it all back together then I should be golden!

It was colder than a witch's you know what today

I think I'm moving. It's a little overwhelming. The circumstances surrounding the move are emotionally difficult, and the prospect of moving my pottery shit into storage is an incredibly physically daunting task. I guess I am really preaching to the choir. Many of you are potters of course. Everything is just so heavy and space consuming. I'm thinking I should get heated storage because my kilns and pugmill and wheel will be in there. I am worried about subzero temperatures and the electronics. Part of me just wants to sell everything. I can certainly use the money, and am aware that with prolonged storage eventually I will cross a financial line where I have spent more storing my things than they are worth. But I know that if I sell I will never buy again, and that will be that. I honestly don't see myself being able to set up a studio again for several years. What to do. I've got to give everything some thought.

Some changes

well I'm not sure how my blog is going to continue to fare/fair. I think, actually know, I am beginning to look for another full time job. I won't be able or willing to work a forty or more hour week and continue to make pots on any serious scale. My debts are just too high to ignore right now. I'm trying to take it in stride and just accept that they will be paid off someday, but it's making me feel a bit like I'm in a prison. between my operation and charging a lot of pottery supplies it's really added up. Plus, without getting into any detail, I need to start saving some money for a move and the possible need to support myself. so, since this is a pottery blog, I'm not sure how much pottery I will be making to be blogging about. Who knows, maybe I will feel compelled to come home after working in a hot sweaty kitchen all day or night and toil in the dark damp basement. Hmm, I'll keep you posted (see that pun?)

Stuck in Chicago

some trinkets from a trip to Continental Clay?? (I can't remember the name-in Santa Monica I think)

Well I'm back in New Hampshire. We just got a load of snow dumped on us. The trip was nice, but it's also good to be home again. Long trip back though. I had to change planes in Chicago. I was supposed to have a two hour layover, but the plane was delayed from NY, and about five minutes after I arrived (looking like all that and then some in a new brown coat and suede boots-but that's another story) I found out that my flight, which was supposed to take off at about 6:50 p.m., wasn't even due to arrive there until 10:30. Since I arrived around 4:30ish, that meant I had around 6 hours to kill.

So after roaming around the small portion of the airport I was trapped in, trying to balance my guitar-a 1976 old Guild my father let me have which hadn't seen the light of day outside it's case in over a decade-on my rolling backpack, stumbling around on my new boots, I finally found a seat in a pub, ordered a glass of red wine, which I soon regretted as I became sleepy and got a headache, ordered a bowl of mediocre chili and killed like 45 minutes. Only five hours left to go and things were not looking good. I bought The Appeal, by John Grisham and did my best to get lost in it and and accept my fate. In another life, and if I were a little smarter, I might have been a lawyer.

Eventually the time went by and I got on the plane. We rapid-fire boarded and I was fortunate enough to have an old charming gentleman sit next to me who reeked of alcohol and had the gelatinous veined eyes of a career drinker. I was torn between genuinely liking this man, and being horrified by being trapped next to him for two hours. He talked to me non-stop, loud, animated, bouncy and rude. When I came back from the bathroom, he said to me: "well I can see everything must have come out all right!" He expressed himself at length about different colors of pee based on how much water you drink, told me that he could tell I was a white woman from central NH based on my political views, and commented on the nice breasts of the woman on the t.v. monitor. I felt elated when the plane finally landed.



My first Christmas tree in a couple years

Fifty-eight degrees and 58$

I know I already posted today, but I just got back from a craft fair in Laguna called, Sawdust. I'm walking around in a t-shirt and jeans thinking I'm completely normal, and I look around and everyone is wearing sweaters, or some form of an actual winter coat. Some warmed their chilly little necks with scarves. I didn't realize it was cold out until people started telling me. No fewer than five people asked me how I could stand being in a t-shirt. Wasn't I freezing? So I kept telling them I'm from New Hampshire, which seemed to help them understand, but one person finally says to me, well okay. But that doesn't change the fact that it's 58 degrees out. I'm just like . . . uhm, that seems pretty warm to me. Fifty-eight degrees? Are they kidding? I don't even think we pull our winter jackets out until it gets down in the high thirties.

So this was a little shocking. Pottery is not, at least in this area, valued the same as it is on the East Coast. Stunned is the best word to describe my reaction to the prices. You'd have to have seen it to believe it. I finally had a conversation with this one pottter and we talked about it. She said most potters who do mainly functional work don't do well there. That the things that sell the best are things that will be used for decoration. The first pot I picked up and saw the price of was a ten dollar coffee mug. This is at a relatively high end craft fair. Large Raku pots with lids and such, around 58$. Crystalline pots, with cut altered rims for around 18$. I could go on and on. I just could not believe it. So I guess those of us who live on the East Coast have a new reason to appreciate our area. A lower cost of living, and we can sell our work for more. That's not to say I haven't walked into a couple of "art" galleries and seen way overpriced pots, but for the average gal selling the average type pot, I think I'm in a better place.

Thinking of warm and fuzzy things

Hello everybody. Still in sometimes sunny California. I heard the East had a fantastic ice storm. Adam's boss put them up in a hotel room so they wouldn't have to drive home (it's an hour drive down curvy back roads on a sunny day). He said all the trees are coated in glass. Nothing is coated in glass here. Although . . . there is the strange to me happening of wrapping Christmas lights around palm trees. I'm used to seeing lights going everywhere, snaking all over branches of real, you know, trees? It's kind of like someone wrapped lights around a paper towel roll and stuck some fluffy stuff on top. It's uh, interesting.

So I neglected to mention that the house where my father lives is on the beach. Here are a few shots from the back window. Oh the misery of it all. He keeps saying that he's going to sell the house, but he's been saying that for years. One of these days perhaps and who knows, this could be my last visit with an ocean in the backyard. I am missing my home though. Not my physical home, although it will be nice to be back in my own environment. But I think I am just a New England girl at heart. This is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't . . . oh, you know how that goes. It will be nice to see people in down jackets and some North Face gear. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about it.

Once there was a dead girl

this is the first time I have logged into my blog or checked anyone elses posts in a few days. Just hanging around being lazy most of the time. I watched this great movie last night. It's about this singer, Glen something, and him getting started out. You'd recognize his music if you heard it. It's an Indie film, oh, it's called Once. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. The movie won best song at the Oscars. That song that goes "I don't know you, but I want you, something something something something something ..." that might not be enough info. Watch the movie and you'll see. I rewatched The Dead Girl. Another film I highly recommend if you haven't seen it. It's strange having such a temp difference. When we left the house at the awful hour of 5:30 a.m. Monday it was 3 degrees below zero with a 16 degree below zero windchill. today I'm laying on a chair and I had to pull it out of the sun cause it was scorching hot. Oh, funny story. I touched down in Long Beach at 3 p.m. Pacific time-about a half hour early, so I call my father to tell him and he's like, "you're here? you're kidding. I thought you were coming tomorrow! I'm on my way!" really good thing I called or I might have been waiting a while. One more thing before I go. There is a yoga studio about a five minute walk from the house called YogaWorks. For thirty dollars I got an introductory pass that is good for two weeks of unlimited classes. They have like at least ten classes of different yoga classes of different kinds every day. I've already gone three times. My muscles are a little sore but it's been great. I've had three different teachers so far so it's really cool getting to experience all these different teaching styles. Mentally I'm feeling a little dead. Woke up a lot last night. The previous night I slept for seven hours straight. I felt like I was on speed the next day I felt so rested. It's always so strange not to feel tired. Hope everyone is well. Long post, time to go.

Headstands for headaches

I baked some brownies in one of my unsellable square casserole pots. So sad. At least I never have to buy dishes again. I leave early Monday morning for my trip. I will be gone for about nine days. I'm not sure if I will post anything while I am gone, so if you see me disappear from here for a while that's why. No caffeine today. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep better tonight. Well, I'm just making up stuff to say. I mostly wanted to say so long for a bit. I'm really looking forward to getting away for a while. Clear my head a little. I'm a little bummed about all the difficulties with my work. Maybe I'll have a fresh positive outlook when I get back. I hope I can find a nearby yoga class to go to a few times while I am gone. I have a new trick. Let me try and take a picture. I'll be right back.

Man, that's not easy to do on a self-timer. I had fifteen seconds to press the button, get over there and get up without rushing so fast I tipped over. I have found that this is great for at least temporarily getting rid of a headache. There's one of my annoying cats behind me. It's obsessed with our fish and was chasing it's tail today. It can't meow. It kind of croaks. Sounds a little like a broken goat. Well, talk to everyone later.