Wednesday, July 23
I'd rather eat cake than crap but I don't eat sugar
So, these are some of the events of my morning. I won't get into details but I suppose a little background information is needed. My patience for things that bother me is very thin lately. I think as a result of this medication I am on and just life stresses. There was a communication issue at work (there are frequent communication issues which I usually grit my teeth about) and so without naming names there is a person who is frequently rude to me. Sighs, annoyed tones of voice when asked simple questions that are necessary to my performing my job, etc.
This morning (communication issue #1 of the day (I actually received a sigh and the stomp of a foot because I answered the phone, I guess I was not tuned into knowing that she wanted to answer the phone-it's all very confusing since usually she is really annoyed by having to take a phone call-I can't keep up) So when communication issue #2 occurred I just snapped. Simple and to the point. I barely remember the events and could not recount them well in a court of law were I required to do so. One minute I'm standing there trying to help a customer on the phone and when I asked this other person I work with a question about the customers order and saw that posture, the look on her face and heard that tone of voice . . . I just snapped. I don't even know what happened to the box of jewelry that was in my hand. The poor customer on the phone. I'm sure they must have heard my profanity and experienced the lack of connection to a person on the other end of the line as the phone took its flight across the room.
My feelings on the event are this; I feel like I have a legitimite reason to have experienced the emotions that I did. As I said, this has been building for some time. But it's so inappropriate for a grown woman to behave like I did in a place of business. For that I was truly wrong. I'm still trying to decide if they were to want me to continue working if I even want to. I know no matter where you go it's the same shit on a different lawn. I've worked enough places to know this, but I still don't understand it. Working for someone else is hard enough as it is. We often have to eat so much shit. Why do we want to create an environment where we also have to eat each others crap as well? I work way, way too hard to have it be any harder than it needs to be.
I hope there was no injury. It certainly was not my intent to hit her with the phone and I hope I did not. I heard no glass breaking (I REALLY hope there was none). Well, if I don't go back maybe it's for the best. I'm not getting anywhere with my own work. Maybe it's time for me to jump in full time. Man, I don't feel so good about all this. Don't you hate it when you start to think that maybe you're a grown-up and then realise that you are still a child after all?