Friday, January 23

Peanut butter crackers

Wow. I'm not going to make it here. That is the long and short of the entire living with parents story. To say I am stressed does not begin to define my mental state at this time. I could get into details, but it just doesn't matter. I simply can not stay here for two months. I do not know what to do. I really appreciate all the good thoughts everyone has thrown my way, but there is just no good thinking my way out of this situation.

My mother and I are complete and total opposites in so many ways of our personalities that we are incompatible to live together. To be fair to her, it is probably not easy for her to share her house, and because of how stressed I am feeling about being here I have been very on edge and not always pleasant to be around. To be fair to me, she is way too intense for me. I really need a chill environment or I start imploding. If I can't get peace outside I gotta go in, and then when even that is invaded . . . I just can't describe what it is like to be slowly niced to death.

On a more positive note, I have to go back to NH tomorrow. Adam and I are bringing my daughter and grandson to see The Wizard of Oz and I will be there for a couple of days. I'm giddy just thinking about the tranquility. I've applied to about 30 places so far. I'll start checking back next week. Not so much luck so far. Everyone's been really nice so far though where I've gone. Very friendly. I'm having some trouble with the homeless situation though.

There are quite a few people who you can tell wander the streets by day until they can go to the shelters. It's very disturbing to me. They are usually so underdressed. Little cotton sneakers, no jackets, no hats. Sometimes they are mumbling to themselves. Here I am walking around or driving in my warm car and I'm wearing a wool coat, etc. with my nice warm boots. I feel kinda guilty. It will instantly suck whatever pleasure I am feeling at the moment away, and yet . . . I still walk by and ignore the woman on the corner when she starts asking me for money.

The other day I came around the corner and saw this guy pressed against the building trying to stay out of the wind. So I turned and walked back the other way so I wouldn't have to walk by him. What I really wanted to do was give him some peanut butter crackers or something. I guess turning around and walking away is the next best thing to crackers.

12 comments:

Ben Stark said...

I do really hope that you can find resolution soon. Good luck and enjoy The Wizard of Oz!

Jen Mecca said...

Good luck Deb getting through all that. Sounds like you could really use some emotional release and someone to talk too. I hope you get back on your feet again. Remember out of everything bad that happens, something good comes out of it. I'm sure that is hard to see at the moment, but I believe this is true.Good luck, my thought are with you.
Jen

Deborah said...

Thankyou!

Sandi Adams said...

I am hoping that your hiatus from posting is the same as mine!!! You have been busy and busy keeps our minds from going places that aren't healthy for us! Just remember you are going through a "season". The Spring will come, everything will look new and green and things will get better.

cynthia said...

I couldn't live with my mom either! I think we both sort of go bonkers after 48 hours of together time....

Good luck with your quest to find a job and new home. I do hope that good things are around the corner for you.

Sister Creek Potter said...

Debora, How are you? Gay

cookingwithgas said...

come out come out where ever you are-
Ally ally in free!

Linda Starr said...

I've been thinking of you, Deborah. Today is white I call a white rabbit day. The first day of each month when you wake up in the morning, you're supposed to say "white rabbit" before you say anything else and it is supposed to bring you good luck for the month. It's really hard to remember to do that. I didn't remember this morning till after I said something else.

Linda Starr said...

Supposed to be - what - I call a white rabbit day.

Debby said...

I gave you an award! You have a great blog. Check it out on my blog. :o)

Linda Starr said...

Don't give up hope, there is a little bit of lite at the end of the tunnel, even if it is only a glimmer.

Linda Starr said...

I'll be headed out there soon, I hope I run into you.