Wow. I'm not going to make it here. That is the long and short of the entire living with parents story. To say I am stressed does not begin to define my mental state at this time. I could get into details, but it just doesn't matter. I simply can not stay here for two months. I do not know what to do. I really appreciate all the good thoughts everyone has thrown my way, but there is just no good thinking my way out of this situation.
My mother and I are complete and total opposites in so many ways of our personalities that we are incompatible to live together. To be fair to her, it is probably not easy for her to share her house, and because of how stressed I am feeling about being here I have been very on edge and not always pleasant to be around. To be fair to me, she is way too intense for me. I really need a chill environment or I start imploding. If I can't get peace outside I gotta go in, and then when even that is invaded . . . I just can't describe what it is like to be slowly niced to death.
On a more positive note, I have to go back to NH tomorrow. Adam and I are bringing my daughter and grandson to see The Wizard of Oz and I will be there for a couple of days. I'm giddy just thinking about the tranquility. I've applied to about 30 places so far. I'll start checking back next week. Not so much luck so far. Everyone's been really nice so far though where I've gone. Very friendly. I'm having some trouble with the homeless situation though.
There are quite a few people who you can tell wander the streets by day until they can go to the shelters. It's very disturbing to me. They are usually so underdressed. Little cotton sneakers, no jackets, no hats. Sometimes they are mumbling to themselves. Here I am walking around or driving in my warm car and I'm wearing a wool coat, etc. with my nice warm boots. I feel kinda guilty. It will instantly suck whatever pleasure I am feeling at the moment away, and yet . . . I still walk by and ignore the woman on the corner when she starts asking me for money.
The other day I came around the corner and saw this guy pressed against the building trying to stay out of the wind. So I turned and walked back the other way so I wouldn't have to walk by him. What I really wanted to do was give him some peanut butter crackers or something. I guess turning around and walking away is the next best thing to crackers.