Tuesday, February 1


When did hello become: "You have a great body". When did: "Hi, can I buy you a

drink?" turn to: "I think you're sexy". When did it become okay to greet me with: "I like

your build". And what makes you think you can ask if you can touch me, (as you reach

your arm out towards me, your index finger erect, as if you were poking a piece of

cooking meat to test and see if it is "done".

You think these things represent me? You think I find this endearing? You think I am my

arms, my ass and my little titties which you can't take your eyes off of as I speak? You

think you make my heart skip it’s lonely beat or thaw the frost that builds thicker and

thicker inside, until it's walls close in, and there isn’t any more

room left inside for your meat?

It makes my tight firm skin crawl. It makes me want to fold in on myself, until there’s

nothing left for you to see but what’s inside. It makes me want to eat Twinkies and

Doritos and Chunky bars until my cheeks bloat out, my walk slows, and my flesh jiggles.

What will you think of me then? And will you say hello? Or nothing at all.


cookingwithgas said...

I am a bit in the round so to speak and no they don't stop just because you are round, or old or gray....

Gary's third pottery blog said...

holy crap!

Deb said...

Lol . . . !

jim said...

hola, maybe i shouldn't read these posts in groups as reading this one and the "for t." one in the same sitting is a bit disconcerting as i lack details. i sincerely sympathize with anyone that has to put up with this kind of shite nowadays but since i truly believe that everything is "upside down" nowadays (this doesn't mean that i think it wasn't upside down in olden days), i'm not surprised by what people will do or say. in fact, i mentally collect stories which declare only one common thread and that is to establish a new low or a new high or a new ugliest or a new most ridiculous. i suppose pushing these extremes further and further makes most event seem closer to the middle and as such more benign. wish i could help but i'm just an somewhat anonymous reader who finds your posts evocative. my only stab will be this and i hope it's not too esoteric but i was watching a show on nova called "how your brain works" and maybe it should've been called "how your brain doesn't work" but one of the upshots was that neurologist have determined of late that each individual's perception of the world and in the microcosm, each event and even more telling, a shared event is so completely different as to be unrecognizable to each other if they could magically trade mental places. this is not an excuse necessarily for bad behavior but if you wrap your head around it, it certainly seems to make attempts to figure out why someone acted in some way given your perception of the events, completely futile and this, although easier said than done, would seem to free one from the angst of parsing memories to find a satisfactory answer. there is no satisfactory answer. it's the same as our inability to reconcile our own deaths... the species (we just a bunch of monkey-brains) has invented the most convoluted sets of stories to make ourselves believe that our existence is, well... meaningless. one can tell me their silly story and how they're goin' to heaven or whatever and it will be completely unsatisfactory to me and i will still dread the end and i have not reconciled it but accepting that there is no satisfactory answer does have the small helpful advantage of allowing me not to structure my life around a futile attempt to reconcile the irreconcilable (forcing a round peg in a square hole). sorry, i feel like this may be getting away from me. the point can be the same with the angst surrounding a person's inexplicable behavior. if you think you've figured out the why's, you're probably wrong and it's all a waste of time. hope i didn't cross the line here. btw, i also enjoyed the other post of the story you wrote about the girl that died.

jim said...

should really proofread when i'm sick, several typos above and where i wrote "meaningless", i meant "not meaningless"

Deb said...

Hi Jim, no don't worry about crossing a line with me. Unless you are ranting "you suck!!!! man hater!!!!!" I am cool with hearing other points of views and opinions. I do tend to expend probably too much energy trying to understand "poor" behavior, but that is just me. The trick I am trying now, is to try to understand it, but to stop EXCUSING it! Now that would be progress! But alas, would make for less writing material! Thanks for reading :)

Deb said...

Jim, oh yeah, I should say also that I really enjoy reading your blog as well. glad you are starting to feel better! And I love your glasses!